Jim Watt was selected as the new DPS Conservation Chairman, filling the vacancy caused by the untimely death of Barbara Reefer.
Well known as a Born-again Christian, Jim said that his first action as Conservation Chairman will be to get the pinko, commie, atheistic Sierra Clubbers out of the desert and back to their TV sets and church pews where they should be, like other God-fearing Americans. Jim predicted that this will increase business and reduce the nation's unemployment, since statistics show that 21.2% of the DPS'ers do not own TV sets. DPSers not only will buy TV sets but also deodorants (products not presently used by DPSers), junk foods, Preparation H, and similar items that are essential to the American economy.
Jim said that if his first plan is unsuccessful, he will sell or lease all of the DPS peaks to concessionaires and a portion of the fees charged for climbing peaks will be used to reduce the national debt. A bid list for potential concessionaires is now being circulated by the Republican National Committee.
Jim's predecessor, Barbara Reefer, burned to death last month while trying to set a new record of 18 tires in a stack at a DPS campfire. Unfortunately, Barbara was not aware that she should light the fire after the stack of tires was completed.
