According to the distinguished author of a major criminology text, the FBI's two "major problem groups in the U.S. today are Aryan (white hate) and ecologically oriented groups." (Pace, Concepts of Vice, Narcotics, and Organized Crime, third edition, Prentice-Hall Publishers, 1991.)
Ecologically oriented groups, huh? The FBI, ever vigilant while us naive dupes are out in canoes, clearly is onto something here.
What's really happening at those Sierra Club slide shows? To an alert observer, the subversive nature of talks like "Reptiles of the Florida Panhandle" is obvious. And those binocular-disguised so-called "birdwatchers" on Audubon field trips are probably agents of who knows what foreign powers, out to subvert the economy with false reports of endangered woodpeckers everywhere loggers are trying to work.
Glad to know someone was watching out for our best interest, I rushed to the phone and called Bill Carter, an FBI spokesman in Washington.
"Is this really so?" I asked. Are "ecologically oriented groups" really about to bring the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave to its knees?
"I hate to say no," hedged Mr. Carter. "There have been some incidents by ecological groups in the past-you don't know what might happen." I felt relieved and much safer as I hung up the phone.
While Carter didn't say so, I did wonder if maybe the FBI's real worry is Earth First!, that dangerous band of costumed radicals who think trees are more valuable than bulldozers. "Who is Earth First! anyway?" I wondered.
I was able to get a look at the local group's mailing list. And who did I see? Quite a few prominent scientists, several local elected officials, and a number of well-known members of the local business community. Middleclass, middle-aged voters in a lot of cases.
They really are everywhere, you know. The garden clubs have been laying the groundwork for years, and I recently attended a neighborhood-association meeting where they were getting ready to sue a developer over something or other.
Worried about mercury or PCBs in fish? Don't enjoy fishing as much as you used to? Clearly you're a victim of the insidious campaigns of worry, discouragement, and psychological warfare being waged by these dangerous ecologically oriented groups.
Is there dioxin in your drinking water? Be a Good American--drink it anyway. We really can't be too careful--if you see somebody recycling, call the FBI!
(Reprinted from the Tallahassee Florida Democrat)
AVOID CRUSHED STONE HIGHWAYS
Different surfaces wear away tread at different rates. If you receive 40K miles from your tires on a smooth asphalt road, here's approximately what you'd receive on other surfaces:
| -Coarse Asphalt | 36,000 | -Concrete | 28,000 |
| -Asphalt in poor condition | 22,000 | -Country roads | 20,000 |
| -Large gauge crushed stone | 8,000 | ||
(article by 4-Day Tire Stores)